once again its fucking late and i cant sleep. ive been so miserable lately and i dont know when this will end. i already started drinking and i dont have anyone to talk to. part of me wants this job to fall thru, i dont get hired and we are forced to out of this place.

buddy, cover me while i move

WTF

Ive had 2 things weighing heavily on my mind. i get anxiety over everything so it doesnt take much:

thing the first: is it bad that i want someone to break in my house so i have a reason to beat a motherfucker to death? im 30 years old and i still dont know what im doing.

thing the second:

so there is a person thats stuck in my life by default. I havent done everything in my life alone, it took a lot of support to get to where i am now and for the most part im proud of what ive done. then there is someone that doesnt do shit with their life and the worst part is, they’re too stupid to know that they are lazy and make excuses for everything. all this person does is drink, collect toys and play video games. they have a job of a teenager, part time and doesnt pay shit. and now they are planning on having a baby. they’re too stupid to take care of the responsibilities they have already. how the fuck are you going to take care of a baby? oh well. i need to stay in my lane. cus sometimes i wish i couldve made it through life that easy then maybe i wouldnt have anxiety over everything and at the edge of a cliff the entire time im awake. i suppose the bright side is i live in my home with my wife and kids and they live at home with mommy and daddy and the rest of the family.

my progress

I just want to say that i had been working hard to get into shape. not as good a shape as when i was in but a lot better than i had been. i had practicallly 2 months off at school cus nurmela was a weak teacher. now we have sexton and i pretty much dont have time to work out. i know that its an excuse that people make but i literally dont have time. i have case builds, packets, chapter key terms and review and FUCKING DRUG CARDS. if i have time to work out i have time to do drug cards. there are 257 of them to do after all. so with clinicals and football season coming up, i can pretty much kiss this body good bye. oh well. until we meet again

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Taken with Lumia Selfie

Taken with Lumia Selfie

webcam-toy-photo1me and my honey waiting for football season to start!

disneyland with the family

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I loved going to Disneyland with Kat when it was just the two of us. It is more fun now that Jace and Zac are old enough to enjoy it. I get to experience everything in a new way because i get to see things through their eyes. We even got a chance to go to Disney World a couple times and visit each park. We have not been to Disney Land in a while because it is getting a little more difficult for Kat to get around since she is due in less than one month  (WOOHOO!) and our passes will have expired by then. So i guess the next time we will be there, I’ll have my baby girl to enjoy it with.

What we like to do

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One thing Jacen and i like to do together is go to WWE wrestling events. his favorite wrestlers are zac ryder, Kane and Edge. I loved watching wwf as a child and now i enjoy it even more now i have someone to do it with. we plan to go to summer slam this summer with his cousin. I will never forget the times we share together not just because we like watching WWE but the time spent with jacen means the most to me. I snapped this  picture of Jacen at Raw world Tour when we went a few months ago.